Actions In Games That Would Look Insane In Real Life

Must. Look. In. All. Treasure Chests...

    We cover the gamut of actions that we do in life that we try to incorporate in most games. From turning a key to picking up a box and throwing it across the room. Those are the things we can do in real life and we completely enjoy doing those things inside the game. Hell, we enjoy doing menial chores if the wii-mote allows us to waggle with the act. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, he’s going to talk about how you can’t fly and shoot electric bolts from your eyes!” Wrong! Too easy. I’m talking about all the little things we do in games that we do instinctually.  If we were to do these actions in real life, we would be deemed insane.

Tailing cars.

So incognito..

     Grand theft Auto has a real weird idea when it comes to following a car. Their idea of tailing a car comes down to how far can you stop behind a car and not look suspicious. Then it’s copied in Mafia 2 and LA Noire. It looks more suspicious to be directly behind a car, compared to suddenly stopping, reversing, and staying in an intersection waiting for them to start moving.  You can even crash in to a few cars just as long you don’t violate the other car’s personal space.

Moving around while a character talks.

Damn it, keep still, no more sugar for you!

      We do this whenever there’s someone spouting exposition at us. An example is in Assassin’s Creed. Your teammates tells you all the details behind the Animus and there you are running in back and forth and spinning like a top. It’s already an insult to look  uninterested while your friend’s talking, then it must be a punch to the face to run around them during the conversation. They brush it off like it’s the most normal thing for Desmond to act like a hyperactive 5 year old. It completely takes all the drama out of the scene and turns it in to a pre-determined glitch.

Taking a while to answer question.

"So, what's going on?" Eternal stare in to your soul.

    Whenever we have a difficult option to choose from, we have the dreaded multiple choice question that can change the outcome of the game. Fallout, Mass Effect, and LA Noire have these moments when the NPC asks a question and you stare them blankly, You have all the time in the world while they cycle animations and they also stare back at you with an immense amount of patience. Most people nowadays have the attention span of an ice cube in lava, so this is going to be a game feature that is going to be an alien concept in a few years time. During the conversation, the NPCs go in to the uncanny valley when they just sit back and smile the entire time, giving the strangest feeling of unease.

Jumping or rolling. Everywhere.

The most effective tool forever ingrained in gaming history.

     Once developers give us this option, we will abuse the hell out of it. That also seems to be the way to dispose of enemies. So here’s a tip, next time your in a brawl, pounce on top of your enemies. You get around so much easier in games when your jumping, so we constantly do it in hopes of also finding a ledge we can jump on to.  I think to myself, “How regularly do we jump even in real life?”. I’m talking outside of sports. When do you just jump while walking down the street? Let alone jump repeatedly? Rolling is a joy to do in Legend of Zelda, but think about doing that in your regular life. One roll, and you can possibly break your neck and/or possibly cripple yourself for life.

Searching boxes, vases, and opening doors.

The blackest present for the most brutal of all bass players. NOTHING!

    If there’s one thing that games have turned us into, it’s obsessive compulsives. We go off and search every nook and cranny of a room hoping to find a few credits or bottle caps. The Fallout series is really notorious for this. We know that 90% of the items in the room is garbage, but we still will check that trash can in hopes of the next mini-nuke. It goes against gaming regulations when there are no items in boxes or other breakable objects.  Fable 2 and 3 are criminals in this department. You know we can’t resist breaking objects, so why not have anything in them?!